Sad Farewell

Hi there,

it’s been a while since I’ve been able to post anything on here due to one thing or another, but now I’m back hopefully to post a little more regularly.

Friday 13th of January was a sad day for our family for it was when we said goodbye to our Matt. As I’d posted earlier the young man died in a tragic accident on the 29th of December. He was one of life’s purest souls, never a bad word about anyone crossed his lips, he had a joy for life that was contagious and he was not only my nephew but my friend.

In his all too short life he achieved so much and could have gone on to do a lot more had he been given the chance. He was British Champ at 12 in Shukokai karate, one of the youngest black belts in the country, he was a talented percussionist and actually won the young musician of the year for Staffordshire, something a percussionist had never done before. His band entered a talent contest on the BBC called Get your act together, a forerunner of X-Factor which they won and before he died he was helping to bring music to disadvantaged young people. Our family are trying to set up a trust fund to help continue the good work he began.

The funeral was moving and awe-inspiring to say the least. There was a procession of around 20 bikers who accompanied the hearse, which was a modified bike with the hearse actually being the sidecar. Three Police motor bikes gave a dignified escort to the procession both from the home to the church and on to the crematorium.

Eulogies were read out by his best friend and his music teacher and in the church it was literally standing room only. After the cremation we all went to a pub where a slide show of young Matt was on show at the side of the stage upon which several of his friends performed songs to celebrate his short but eventful life.

Now comes the hard part, carrying on without him.

How do you continue living when you miss someone who was so important in your life? There is only one possible answer to this question, and that is, one day at a time.

To allow grief to cripple us is not what Matt would want. He would want us to carry on and live our lives to the fullest, to do all the things we wanted to do, what we had planned to do and to celebrate being alive.

I’m no grief councillor but I will set goals for me to meet in the coming months. First of all to get over a chest infection that has plagued me since before Christmas. Secondly, to continue writing, I have Omega almost ready for publication and Discovery almost completed which are the next two books in the Col Sec series. Matt was as enthusiastic about these endeavours as myself and I hope to do him proud. We are soon to be moving house which I’m really excited, nervous about and later in the year my daughter will be getting married so all in all a truly eventful year ahead filled with promise.

If recent events have taught me anything it’s this.  If you have goals, go for them, don’t let anything hold you back. You can do whatever you set your heart on. Cherish what you have because it can all be gone soon and finally love and support your friends and family as I’m sure they will you and don’t be afraid to tell them you love them. Life is too short for regrets and if you have regrets, make them for things you’ve done and not what you haven’t.

See you soon,

Jan.

Making sense where there is none.

Hi there,

people say ‘things happen for a reason’, they also say ‘you go when it’s your time’

Well something happened yesterday that would make the sanest of us doubt the validity of those two statements.

It began like any other, normal day, my partner and I woke up and seeing as we were still on holiday, decided to have a lie in. I got up and made a cup of tea for myself and my beautiful partner and brought them back to bed where we lay reading, relaxing and enjoying our time off together. It was later than usual when we dragged ourselves out of bed. We strolled downstairs, had a bit of breakfast and received a phone call from the estate agent to tell us of an offer that a prospective buyer had made. Things were looking up, perhaps the new year would see some pleasant changes. We began to hope.

We discussed the offer and where would we live should we accept, which was something we hadn’t really talked about. The house had been on the market for so long we never thought that, in this present economic climate that we would ever receive one. We talked and talked and we actually began to make plans, which was something we hadn’t dared do for almost a year.

Then it all changed.

My phone went off while I was in the shower and by the time my partner went to get it, it had rang off and I was left with a text that simply said ‘Ring me’

I knew something was wrong the second I read it. I called her and she was crying, sobbing really and I asked, “What’s wrong?”

All she said was, “Are you sitting down?” Right then I knew it was bad news, the kind of news everyone dreads and my immediate thoughts went to our mother who is 81 years old and not in the best of health. My second thought was her partner who is in his late seventies and also not in the best of health, either of them would be the obvious choice and I could feel my world slipping away. What happened next though, took me completely by surprise and was equally shocking, possibly more so because of who was involved.

She said, “Matt’s been killed,” and I went numb. To say I was in shock would be a grave misconception, this went beyond shock. Matt was her son, my nephew and one of the nicest, kindest. most intelligent people I have had the pleasure and privilege to know, and he was 32 years old.

From what we’ve managed to glean throughout yesterday, he was on his way to work on his motor bike, he overtook a cyclist on a straight piece of road and a pheasant came into his path which he hit. He died instantly in the crash. There was no rider error, he wasn’t going too fast, it was just one of those random acts that are inexplicable.

So, do things happen for a reason, if so can anyone please explain to me, the reason why one of the best friends I ever had would have to die like that. Why would my sister have to endure the loss of her son after losing her husband of over 30 odd years, just over 2 years ago. I don’t believe for a second that it was his time to go. He had some much potential, so much to give and so much left in his life to achieve so don’t tell me it was his time.

How can someone make sense of a situation when it makes no sense? That was what all of us were struggling with along with the grief and loss of our loved one. I spent some time with my sister and her daughter and close family friends and it was a common theme of all our thoughts. What happened made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

How does someone come back from that world shattering tragedy? Simple answer, you endure.

My sister is one of the strongest people I know. She has my admiration, she is my inspiration through bad times and she has always and will always have my undying love and respect. She will endure with all the love and support of family and friends and she will go on.

When I got home last night I spoke to both my children who are grown up with families of their own and was thankful that they, with their families were fine and well. I love them very much and I don’t know if I could cope if I had to go through what my sister is going through right now.

In closing I’ll repeat something my sister said which has an undeniable truth to it. She said, “Live every day as if it’s your last, because one day it will be.”

See you soon,

Jan.