Hi there,
it’s been a while since I’ve been able to post anything on here due to one thing or another, but now I’m back hopefully to post a little more regularly.
Friday 13th of January was a sad day for our family for it was when we said goodbye to our Matt. As I’d posted earlier the young man died in a tragic accident on the 29th of December. He was one of life’s purest souls, never a bad word about anyone crossed his lips, he had a joy for life that was contagious and he was not only my nephew but my friend.
In his all too short life he achieved so much and could have gone on to do a lot more had he been given the chance. He was British Champ at 12 in Shukokai karate, one of the youngest black belts in the country, he was a talented percussionist and actually won the young musician of the year for Staffordshire, something a percussionist had never done before. His band entered a talent contest on the BBC called Get your act together, a forerunner of X-Factor which they won and before he died he was helping to bring music to disadvantaged young people. Our family are trying to set up a trust fund to help continue the good work he began.
The funeral was moving and awe-inspiring to say the least. There was a procession of around 20 bikers who accompanied the hearse, which was a modified bike with the hearse actually being the sidecar. Three Police motor bikes gave a dignified escort to the procession both from the home to the church and on to the crematorium.
Eulogies were read out by his best friend and his music teacher and in the church it was literally standing room only. After the cremation we all went to a pub where a slide show of young Matt was on show at the side of the stage upon which several of his friends performed songs to celebrate his short but eventful life.
Now comes the hard part, carrying on without him.
How do you continue living when you miss someone who was so important in your life? There is only one possible answer to this question, and that is, one day at a time.
To allow grief to cripple us is not what Matt would want. He would want us to carry on and live our lives to the fullest, to do all the things we wanted to do, what we had planned to do and to celebrate being alive.
I’m no grief councillor but I will set goals for me to meet in the coming months. First of all to get over a chest infection that has plagued me since before Christmas. Secondly, to continue writing, I have Omega almost ready for publication and Discovery almost completed which are the next two books in the Col Sec series. Matt was as enthusiastic about these endeavours as myself and I hope to do him proud. We are soon to be moving house which I’m really excited, nervous about and later in the year my daughter will be getting married so all in all a truly eventful year ahead filled with promise.
If recent events have taught me anything it’s this. If you have goals, go for them, don’t let anything hold you back. You can do whatever you set your heart on. Cherish what you have because it can all be gone soon and finally love and support your friends and family as I’m sure they will you and don’t be afraid to tell them you love them. Life is too short for regrets and if you have regrets, make them for things you’ve done and not what you haven’t.
See you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
people say ‘things happen for a reason’, they also say ‘you go when it’s your time’
Well something happened yesterday that would make the sanest of us doubt the validity of those two statements.
It began like any other, normal day, my partner and I woke up and seeing as we were still on holiday, decided to have a lie in. I got up and made a cup of tea for myself and my beautiful partner and brought them back to bed where we lay reading, relaxing and enjoying our time off together. It was later than usual when we dragged ourselves out of bed. We strolled downstairs, had a bit of breakfast and received a phone call from the estate agent to tell us of an offer that a prospective buyer had made. Things were looking up, perhaps the new year would see some pleasant changes. We began to hope.
We discussed the offer and where would we live should we accept, which was something we hadn’t really talked about. The house had been on the market for so long we never thought that, in this present economic climate that we would ever receive one. We talked and talked and we actually began to make plans, which was something we hadn’t dared do for almost a year.
Then it all changed.
My phone went off while I was in the shower and by the time my partner went to get it, it had rang off and I was left with a text that simply said ‘Ring me’
I knew something was wrong the second I read it. I called her and she was crying, sobbing really and I asked, “What’s wrong?”
All she said was, “Are you sitting down?” Right then I knew it was bad news, the kind of news everyone dreads and my immediate thoughts went to our mother who is 81 years old and not in the best of health. My second thought was her partner who is in his late seventies and also not in the best of health, either of them would be the obvious choice and I could feel my world slipping away. What happened next though, took me completely by surprise and was equally shocking, possibly more so because of who was involved.
She said, “Matt’s been killed,” and I went numb. To say I was in shock would be a grave misconception, this went beyond shock. Matt was her son, my nephew and one of the nicest, kindest. most intelligent people I have had the pleasure and privilege to know, and he was 32 years old.
From what we’ve managed to glean throughout yesterday, he was on his way to work on his motor bike, he overtook a cyclist on a straight piece of road and a pheasant came into his path which he hit. He died instantly in the crash. There was no rider error, he wasn’t going too fast, it was just one of those random acts that are inexplicable.
So, do things happen for a reason, if so can anyone please explain to me, the reason why one of the best friends I ever had would have to die like that. Why would my sister have to endure the loss of her son after losing her husband of over 30 odd years, just over 2 years ago. I don’t believe for a second that it was his time to go. He had some much potential, so much to give and so much left in his life to achieve so don’t tell me it was his time.
How can someone make sense of a situation when it makes no sense? That was what all of us were struggling with along with the grief and loss of our loved one. I spent some time with my sister and her daughter and close family friends and it was a common theme of all our thoughts. What happened made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
How does someone come back from that world shattering tragedy? Simple answer, you endure.
My sister is one of the strongest people I know. She has my admiration, she is my inspiration through bad times and she has always and will always have my undying love and respect. She will endure with all the love and support of family and friends and she will go on.
When I got home last night I spoke to both my children who are grown up with families of their own and was thankful that they, with their families were fine and well. I love them very much and I don’t know if I could cope if I had to go through what my sister is going through right now.
In closing I’ll repeat something my sister said which has an undeniable truth to it. She said, “Live every day as if it’s your last, because one day it will be.”
See you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
and here we are, we’ve managed to survive another Christmas. A time of the year that is fraught with frustration, greed, over eating, over spending and for what? A time that habitually brings out the worst in people in the run up to the big day, why do we put ourselves through all that for just a few hours of pleasure?
The answer is simple, because it’s also a time of the year that brings out the best in us. Whatever your beliefs, I believe that there is a magic around Christmas time. Whether or not that’s because I’m still a big kid at heart, I don’t honestly know, what I do know is that I have seen it bring out the worst in people and I’ve also been witness to the absolute best in people too.
Is there a point to all this? Probably not, except to say that those few hours that we spent months preparing for are now over again for another year. We survived and, no doubt some of us will be looking forward to next year. I also know some will actually start their preparations in the new year too. Whatever, I would just like to wish you all the best of luck for the coming year, I hope your dreams come true and all your resolutions stay firm.
See you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
I had made plans with my editor for him and his family to come over on friday to discus the changes he’d made to Ronin. The idea was we were going to go through the manuscript, implement the changes then upload the finished book, along with the new artwork to Smashwords.com. Well as you can imagine, the weather had other ideas.
I left work at 2pm because I had another appointment at 4pm but because of the snow it took me 2 hours to get 3/4 of the way home. The appointment at 4 had to be re-scheduled obviously and it took me a further 1/2 hour to get home.
The roads from Stoke-on-Trent to where I live in Matlock were absolutely horrendous. Snow had fallen heavily most of the morning which made the roads treacherous to say the least. Traffic was moving, gladly, but at a snail’s pace and as I listened to the radio I heard of accidents happening all over the place. Luckily there were none on my route to slow me down any further.
There was one point when I thought I wouldn’t make it home though. I had left the A53 Leek to Ashbourne road heading towards Onecote. The road was covered in snow and it looked like hardly any traffic had passed through there as there were only a few tire tracks in the snow and it looked really slippery. If I drove a 4×4 I wouldn’t have been worried but as I drive a normal two wheel drive car my heart was in my mouth, especially as you consider that Onecote lies at the bottom of a valley that has twisting roads of at least a 20% gradient on either side. After Oncote there is a further decent via a snake-like twisting series of ‘s’ bends that are even steeper at a gradient of 14%.
This did not look promising.
As I navigated the first descent towards Onecote I saw a Ford Mondeo struggling to climb up the bank. His wheels were spinning and he was hardly making any headway and a queue was forming behind him. The car in front of me pulled over and decided to turn around clearly not fancying his chances any further on that particular road. This gave my a dilemma, should I do the same and pick another route home or chance my luck?
A group of women got out of a car behind the stalled Mondeo, as he was making no headway at all at this point, or at the very most only a few inches at a time. They began to wave me on so I proceeded toward them and asked what the roads were like further on. They told me that they were quite passable and that I just needed to take my time. This gave me heart so I continued and to my surprise once I reached the top of the road leading out of Onecote it became a lot easier. There was still snow but the road was clearer, which just left me that 14% down gradient of winding ‘s’ bends.
The moment I reached the top of that particular, nightmare road I knew I would be alright. There was snow on the fields to either side of the road but none on the road itself so I was able to continue safely breathing much more freely.
Once I reached home around 4.30 I contacted my editor and told him of the conditions of the roads leading to my home. He would be travelling more or less the same roads I had to get to our meeting and after a quick phone discussion we decided to postpone until the following morning. That too, proved to be a problem.
I woke on saturday morning to find we had an electrical fault in the system and had to call someone out to look at it. This meant that my plan to complete the book had to be postponed once more. I began to wonder if fate was against me ever getting this book out.
Anyway the plans have now been re-scheduled for a day after Christmas whereby, hopefully, everything will be completed satisfactorily and Ronin will be out on Smashwords.com.
I look forward to this immensely and I hope it’s worth all the effort that has gone into it. There is a positive to be taken out of all this, last night I was able to concentrate fully on my new project and move it forward. I was pleased with the results and when it’s completed I hope you will be too.
That’s all for now, the run up to Christmas is getting closer and more frantic every day. I hope each and every one of you get’s to spend time with your loved ones and may all your hopes and dreams come true.
See you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
the year has flown by, again, and the end of the year is almost upon us once more. Today is the last of my holiday’s until we finish for the Christmas break and it’s Christmas shopping day. I’m still fighting my recent dose of manflu which knocked me off my feet, literally so today will be somewhat of an uphill battle but I’m sure it’ll be worth it in the end.
Yesterday was the Christening of my second grandson and it was wonderful to see all the clan together once more, and some faces I hadn’t seen for decades. The actual service aside, it was a fabulous church that dates back to pre-Norman times and as you walked up to it you could almost feel the history that surrounds and permeates through that venerable ancient building. I won’t comment on the service because faith is a personal thing and up to the individual. I’ll just say that it wasn’t to my taste. I’ve been to, what I consider better christening services but I won’t detract from yesterdays because it was my grandson’s big day and he shone.
I find it almost unnerving when going to church, for whatever reason, be it a wedding, funeral, christening or simply a service, unnerving by the strength and depth of some people’s faith and belief. I was at my uncle’s funeral a few years back and discovered a whole new side to this wonderful man. I always knew he was active in the church but never realised the strength of his belief system. One of the things that will always stick with me is one of the comments a friend of his made during the service. He said that he was with my uncle at Keswick and they were standing at the top of a hill overlooking the wonderful scenery and he asked my uncle, “How can you believe in God?” My uncle simply replied by pointing out the view and said, “How can you not?” This led me to a personal search to see if I could find just what it was he saw. I began to go to church for a short period, as I was getting married at the time and I even enrolled in an Alpha Course to see if it would help me find some answers to my unasked questions.
Did I find that which I was searching for? No, I couldn’t get past the blind faith in certain people to take what was written thousands of years ago as gospel when it could very well have been embellished to some degree. Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t believe in what the church tells you, not by any means. As I said earlier belief is a very personal thing and up to the individual, I however believe in something but at this point I’m still not sure what. What I do know is that I live by certain tenets and always have done. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself, all life is sacred (which can be quite a challenge when your fear of spiders tells you to lash out and squash the little critter), thou shall not kill or steal or covet thy neighbours wife, these are all basics of right and wrong. I don’t hate someone who believes in something different to me and I certainly would never challenge anyone because of their belief system. What I cannot believe is, that anyone capable of creating all the wonder that surrounds us would create all the hatred we see in the world. That is not His will, it’s purely the will of man.
The older I get the more relevant a line I once read becomes. Someone once said, “I swear there aint no Heaven but I pray there aint no Hell.”
To you all, whatever your belief’s, I hope you have a very happy Christmas and I hope all your hopes and dreams come true in the new year.
See you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
as December approaches, literally around the corner, I find myself remembering sitting down to write about my move to my new home in the Derby shire Dales. That was in February and March and now the year is almost over and Christmas is just a month away. Where has the time gone?
The past year has been filled with wonderment and awe and heartache, the usual mix of huge chunks of bad luck tempered by a little good.
I welcomed a new grandson into the family, I moved home, my interview went on Indiereads.net and those are just a few of the good points. The bad I don’t want to talk about as I’ve touched on a few in earlier posts.
All in all it’s been a good year considering the turmoil the world has been plunged into with the present credit crisis so I’m not complaining. I’m still here, still have my job, my home and family and all my fingers, toes and faculties so what’s to complain about? Lot’s of people are worse off than me and I’m eternally grateful for my good fortune.
Here’s to a more settled year next year,
see you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
another bank holiday is here and this time the weather is not playing nice.
The campsites are all full around the Derbyshire Dales and everyone is out enjoying themselves the best they can, considering. At the beginning of the month, the Mayday bank holiday graced us with weather the Mediterranean struggled to match but this time, just a few short weeks later, we’re graced with clouds, possible showers and temperatures around ten degrees lower than before. This brings to mind an old joke, “If you don’t like British weather, just wait a minute.”
Having said that I’m sure it won’t dampen the spirits of those campers who are hardened against these adversities and continue all the same.
Whatever you plan on doing this weekend, or are already doing, then I hope you have a great time.
See you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
just come to the end of the first day of my first holiday of the year after the Christmas break and what a day it’s been. My partner and I along with my daughter spent most of the day cleaning out my old house after removing all the rubbish and furniture and everything that I wasn’t taking with me to my new abode.
It’s amazing how much stuff you can accumulate in just a few short years. I knew it would take some time and there would be quite a bit of stuff to move but I wasn’t prepared for the volume of stuff that there actually was.
After several trips to the local charity shops to donate surplus items and a couple trips to the recycling depot to dispose of unwanted rubbish we finally finished and went home.
Before tea we had a salesman call round to talk about a front door we were thinking of having to replace the existing one.
Why is it that these people try these inane tactics?
I told my partner that the first quote he would give us would be ridiculously high then he would tell us that the special discounted price, which again was too high would be off the table if we decided to think about it and call them later with our decision and then he would offer us a special discounted price where he would give us his own discount and his own percentage that he would normally take from the sale would be deducted from the price. All totally b******t of course.
So he started his script and it was so obvious that it was a script when I asked a few questions which he couldn’t answer because they were later in the script and if he went off that he would be lost. The script followed the guidelines I’d laid out for my partner who being the clever person she is, saw through him after less than five minutes of him being in the house. So when we got down to the nitty gritty after being told about the product and how it was made and how his company differed from all the other companies out there, how they were an ethical company and wouldn’t lie to us blah blah blah we got to the pricing.
After the initial ridiculous price which we knew was coming we went through the charade of him telling us about all the discounts and how he would let us have it at the special discounted price using 7% of his 10% commission because it had been a good month and 3% was better than nothing blah blah blah we ended up getting the product, which we were impressed with I must say, at the price we thought was fair and he went away happy, probably earning 10% commission anyway thinking he’d put one over on us. The initial price is set ridiculously high so they have room to barter and when they bring it down to somewhere close to it being what it should the customer thinks they have a bargain, that they knocked him down from what he wanted to charge. I don’t think for one minute that they enter a potential customers home expecting them to sign on the dotted line after the first quote and if the customer does then they must have more money than sense.
It would be refreshing if they started off by saying “Look this is the product you want, I’m not going to beat about the bush, this is how much it cost’s, do you want it or not?” and actually quote the price they know they’ll end up with agreeing on anyway.
It may be refreshing but would the customer be as satisfied than if they thought they’d actually beaten the price down from some insane figure to one they were prepared to pay? Probably not!
Anyway I just thought I’d share my thoughts on the issue with you, I’m sure there’ll be some out there who would like to argue the points I’ve made and most of them would probably be salesmen but never mind after all it’s just my opinion.
See you soon,
Jan.
Hi there,
well this is the first weekend of the new year after the work begun in earnest. The Christmas and new year festivities well and truly behind us as we face this first of many weekends off. The sun is shining and there’s a little breeze and the snow from the previous day is all but a memory.
On a day like today we should get out there and enjoy nature’s bounty. Take a walk in the park, visit friends anything really that get’s us out of the house.
How many days are there like this?
Never leave for tomorrow what you can do today. Life is not infinite, we are on this Earth for a finite period and when that period is over it’s too late to wish we could have done the things that we’ve put off until tomorrow.
There is no excuse for lethargy, life is for living, so live it. I know times are hard and it’s easy to blame not being able to afford doing the stuff you want to but is that the real reason?
How much does it cost to go for a walk in the park or to visit friends or family? Weigh the cost against how you’d feel if you suddenly realised they were no longer around and there were so many things left unsaid.
Don’t let that chance slip by, do the things you want to, see the things you want to see and visit those places you’ve always dreamed of for tomorrow never comes.
And above all, have fun.
See you soon
Jan
